Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10) Read online

  “You’re in a tough situation, that’s for sure. Trying to fight the Captain will only make it worse. You need to think about what you’re going to do, and I’ll come back and talk more later.” Lakki got up to leave. He said, “You really do think the Captain is trustworthy, don’t you?”

  “I do.” Then she left. We met her outside. I asked, “What do you think?”

  Lakki said, “I think he is in an impossible position, and he doesn’t know which way to turn. If he cooperates, he’s throwing away everything he has worked for. If he doesn’t, his future isn’t much better.”

  Dingus asked, “Do you think he understands what will happen if we dump him and his crew in orbit around Oak?”

  “I think he understands all too well. He’s looking for some way to save his career, and I’m not sure there is one.”

  John said, “Too bad we don’t know of some planet that he would like to retire to. Sounds like his career is over, whatever he does.”

  I replied, “That’s a big ask, John. I get the impression that the Squirrels are even more social than we are. Putting him in a hermit cabin somewhere just wouldn’t cut it.”

  Lakki spoke up. “I could set him up with a clean ID, and we could drop him in one of the outer colonies, but I think he has his heart set on going back to his old life.”

  Dingus said, “We need to get him to understand that his old life has ceased to be an option. No matter what happens, he’s not going to be able to go back to what he had before.”

  Lakki said, “I think he’s figured that out intellectually, but he hasn’t accepted it emotionally yet.”

  I looked at Dingus. “Do you think Dee could explain it to him?”

  “She might be our best bet. She does better than just about anybody when it comes to explanations.”

  “You mind giving her a call?”

  Dingus said, “See there, Lakki? There are things the Captain is afraid of.”

  Lakki replied, “I’ve met Mrs. Sloan. He is a wise man.”

  John laughed, “She’s gonna fit right in.”

  When Dingus made his call, we could hear gunfire in the background. I whispered, “Oh no, we’ve interrupted her range time.” They talked for a little bit, and Dingus said, “See you soon, then. Thanks.” He turned to us and said, “She’s coming. They were almost done at the range, anyway, or you would have been out of luck, Bob.”

  I asked, “Did she and Grandma Cachi ever decide who was the better shot?”

  Dingus replied, “I learned to quit asking. I don’t think they did, though.”

  John asked, “Touchy subject?”

  “Kinda. Dee isn’t used to being outshot by anybody. I’m the only one she makes an exception for.”

  The transit opened, with Dee and Grandma Cachi striding out. Grandma said, “Captain, we’re never going to find the weak spots in that new pistol of yours, if you keep interrupting us.”

  “Begging your pardon, Ma’am, but I was in need of Dee’s special skills.”

  “You have seen Dingus shoot, haven’t you?”

  “Not those skills. I need her to explain something to someone.”

  Dee asked, “What, and to whom?”

  Dingus said, “There’s a fella in interrogation who’s having a hard time accepting that his military career is over. Even if we take him back to Oak, his superiors won’t trust him, after he spent time with us.”

  Dee said, “I’ll see what I can do. I can’t promise you anything, though.”

  I replied, “Good enough.”

  Grandma asked, “Mind if I tag along?”

  Dee said, “Not at all. Maybe you could come up with some good ideas.”

  They headed into the interview room. I said, “I almost feel sorry for him.”

  Dingus replied, “You haven’t seen them when they start playing off one another. There’s no ‘almost’ to it. He’s had it.”

  Lakki said, “Will they hurt him?”

  Dingus said, “Only his pride.”

  Lakki went into the observation room to watch. I said, “Unless you need me for something, Dingus, I’m going to get out of your way.”

  “Can’t think of a thing, Boss. If something comes up, I’ll give you a call.”

  John said, “I think I’ll head out, too.”

  We grabbed a transit. John asked, “Where are you headed, Bob?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t really have anywhere to be till Nikki gets out of the autodoc.”

  “If I were you, I’d go to the range, while you’re sure it’s not busy. You ought to put a few rounds through that new pistol, before they wear it out.”

  “That sounds like a good idea. You want to come along?”

  “Probably should. I haven’t been getting much practice lately, either.”

  When we got there, Nunya said, “I just finished cleaning your pistol, Boss. I’ll bring it out.”

  I asked, “Do they have you doing their cleaning for them?”

  “No. I just did it this time because they got called away.”

  “Good. You’re not supposed to be their flunky.”

  She asked, “Boss, what was it they had to go do?”

  “Talk to a fella about his future, and how he wants to spend it.”

  “You trying to hire somebody, Boss?”

  “I don’t think so. He didn’t seem like he would be happy working for this outfit.”

  John said, “The Captain tried his best to get through to him, but he just wasn’t listening. I hope they have better luck.”

  Nunya replied, “If those two hardheads can’t get through to him, he’s a lost cause.”

  John picked up my new pistol. He dropped the magazine, checked the chamber, and asked, “How does it work?”

  I pointed to the solid part of the magazine. “This part here holds the energy to push the bullets down the barrel.”

  “You mean, like a battery?”

  “It gives up its power too quick to be a battery. Must be a supercapacitor, or a superconducting coil, or something else I don’t even know enough to know exists.”

  We both looked at Nunya. She said, “Don’t look at me, fellas. I got to the place where I needed a power source for the thing, and asked Scotti. She showed me this file on the server, and I printed it out. She never said anything about what technology it uses.”

  John loaded it up. “Do we need ear protection?”

  I replied, “Nope. It’s quiet.” He put a mag full downrange. “This is nice. Almost no recoil. You copy that from the Squirrels?”

  Nunya said, “Nossir. After I built the first prototype, it seemed a little snappy, so I went looking for ways to cut down the recoil. I found a system they use on high-end target air pistols, and adapted it.”

  “It’s good work. I like it a lot.”

  I asked, “How is it holding up to the accelerated wear program the Grannies are putting it through?”

  Nunya said, “I tore it down at ten thousand rounds, and tried to find anything that looked iffy. The whole thing passed with flying colors.”

  I replied, “They’ve put ten thousand rounds through it, already?”

  “I might have helped, a little.”

  “Good for you. They need a little competition.”

  “I could never be competition for those two. Most of a week down here, and neither one of them has missed yet. They’re not quite as fast as Mr. Sloan, but I wouldn’t want either one of them mad at me.” We had a good time, but with just the one pistol, there was a lot of waiting. John convinced Nunya to bring out her prototype, and we tried that. She was right, it was pretty snappy, for such a small pistol. Finally, John asked, “Do you suppose I could get one like this? It’s an awfully nice weapon.”

  I said, “Why don’t you print up a bunch, give one to whoever wants it. This is better than anything else we have.”

  Nunya replied, “You think it has been well enough tested, then?”

  “I don’t know. Have the Grannies been babying it?”

>   “No, Boss, they haven’t. They’ve been working it hard. They haven’t done any mud tests, but I did those before I ever gave it to you.”

  “Really?”

  “Mud, dust, whatever I could think of. Couldn’t get it to break, so I figured it was good enough to let you try it. I didn’t think about the Grannies, but I’m glad you did. I want it tested hard before people depend on it.”

  I said, “I like your attitude, Nunya. Thanks for caring so much.”

  She replied, “You, and everybody else here have been nothing but nice to me, even when I was being a brat. You’re my family, now, like it or not.”

  “We like it fine, Nunya.”

  John said, “That’s the truth. You’re good help. I do have a question, though.”

  I said, “Look out, Nunya, here it comes.”

  “Do you think you could build a bigger version of this, with more power? A carbine?”

  Nunya replied, “You mean something like an M4?”

  “Yes, exactly.”

  “You’ll have to wait until I’ve finished Grandma Cachi’s 25 sized pistol. She asked first.”

  I said, “Let me guess. It has to fit the place in her hat where she keeps her Beretta?”

  “Yep. Miniaturizing some of that stuff is a pain.”

  “If you get stuck, see if Taz can help.”

  “You don’t think he would mind?”

  “It’s about as close to ‘James frickin’ Bond’ as he’s likely to get for a while. He’d be happy to.”

  John said, “This has been fun and all, but I probably should get back.”

  I asked, “How long till Nikki wakes up?”

  Nunya said, “Oh no! Mrs. Wilson got hurt?”

  “She fell and hit her head. Dixie assured me she will be fine.”

  John fiddled with his watch. He said, “It says she’ll be ready in a few minutes. We better get cleaned up and get there.” I cleaned the pistol, and then got washed up. We grabbed a transit and went to medbay. Dixie met us at the door, and said, “Good, you’re here. She’s nearly ready to wake up.”

  We went back to where the autodoc was, and John looked over the display. He said, “Here we go.” He put in the code to wake her and stepped back. I stepped up, to be there when she woke. She came around, and said, “Who are you? Where are the students I was guiding? Are they safe?”

  I didn’t know what to say, I was so confused. Then she said, “I got you, Caveman. I got you good.”

  I replied, “Have you met my dog?”

  “Oh yes, she’s a sweetie. Did she have her pups yet?”

  I said, “It’s so good to see that you’re alright.”

  “What happened, anyway?”

  “Bunch of Squirrels jumped in, we had to go greet them. As I understand it, you fell and hit your head while we were maneuvering.”

  “Did you get the Squirrels?”

  “Safe in the brig, and their ships are in the landing bay. Dee is working on their Commander.”

  “Dee? That’s new.”

  “She has help. Grandma Cachi.”

  “Poor man. He doesn’t have a chance. Your kids are hungry. Do you suppose we could fix that?”

  “I think we could find a cure around here somewhere.” She got dressed, and we headed to the galley. Janet was serving. She asked, “Mrs. Wilson, are you okay? I heard you had to go to medbay.”

  “Yes, I’m fine. Just hungry.”

  “We have the cure for that. Have a seat.” I realized I had been busy enough I missed lunch. I asked Nikki, “Did you remember to have lunch? I think I forgot.”

  “I did. You were going to slow down, don’t you remember?”

  “I suppose I was. Can I help it the stars rained Squirrels today?”

  “No, I suppose not. You better eat up, knowing you, it’ll be another big day tomorrow.”

  We both chowed down. When we were finished, Snitz was waiting. I asked, “Gene, did you call him?”

  “No, Boss. He just showed up.”

  I looked at Nikki. “I think I’m ready to call it a day. How about you?”

  “Sounds like a plan. Do you think it will work?”

  “Doubtful, but it’s worth a try, don’t you think?”

  “I suppose. Meet you at the cabin?”

  “Just one thing, before you go.”

  When the tonsil hockey was finished, she took off, and Snitz and I headed for the grass room. Shockingly, we managed to take care of business, and make it back to the cabin without finding anyone with a problem. Nikki had managed to stay awake, so there was a great deal of practice to catch up on. Snitz still thought I needed to be up and about at the usual time, however. Jim was waiting in the grass room. “Morning, Boss. How are you this fine day?”

  “Curious what has you so chipper, mostly.”

  “Just being able to enjoy life again. Janice is a wonder.”

  “That’s plenty. I don’t need to know about any of that.”

  “I just meant she always manages to find the bright side of things. The other is pretty special, though.”

  “I have no doubt. As ornery as she is, with all the experience she has, yessir, you’re a lucky man.”

  “I don’t know that it’s so much luck, as throwing in with the right crazy hillbilly.”

  “John is good to have around.”

  “C’mon, Bob. Don’t give me that modest act.”

  “I just don’t see how you can give me any credit for you and Janice getting together.”

  “You patched us both up enough to care about such things again, for starters.”

  “John done the patching, as I recall.”

  “And who was in the air before I fell over, when I got snakebit?”

  “Let’s go eat. I don’t want to argue with you.”

  We headed out to the galley. Dee and Grandma Cachi were there, looking tired. I asked, “Were you two up all night?”

  Dee said, “Yes, we were. After we got done talking to that fellow you sicced us on, Angus told us the Captain of that merchant vessel you stopped was wanting to talk to someone. Since we were already there, we took that one, too.”

  “What kind of a deal did you get out of him?”

  “500 pounds of walnuts for his entire load of technology, and Scotti gets to check it for trackers before we bring it aboard.”

  “Dang! Did you leave him a uniform to wear home?”

  “We did, but I think we could have gotten it if we had tried.”

  “You just got a promotion from Protocol Officer to Head of Sales, Squirrel Division. I’m tired of trying to get through to them, anyway.”

  “Does that come with a pay bump?”

  “Sure. I’ll double your salary.”

  “But I’m not getting paid now!”

  “Now you’re not getting paid twice as much.”

  Grandma Cachi spoke up. “Now I see why you say they call him Asshole. You really don’t get paid?”

  Dee said, “He arranged for me to get more money than I could ever spend, a while back. I don’t get paid, but that’s because he already took care of me, financially.”

  I replied, “That’s a good point. I need to find some bounties, so we can get the new people taken care of.”

  Grandma asked, “You are a bounty hunter?”

  “When we started fixing saucers, bounties were just dropping in our laps. We haven’t had so many lately.”

  Dee said, “Well, gee, Bob. You took out all of the pirates and slavers, what are you, greedy?”

  “I just want to make sure folks are taken care of.”

  Jim said, “Three square meals, traveling on a starship, and meeting aliens isn’t enough? People want to be paid, too? It’s not like the bots won’t whip up anything your heart desires.”

  Grandma said, “The crew are very helpful, too. That girl you gave the horrible name to, she is such a sweetie.”

  “You mean Nunya? I offered to change her name, but she said she had gotten used to it, and wanted to keep it. S
eemed like she thought it was a badge of honor.”

  Dee said, “See, I told you. He takes care of his people.”

  I said, “Anyway, what happened with that fellow after you made him a deal?”

  “Scotti checked his cargo over and cleared it, Sally gave him a transponder code to use the next time he came here, and we sent him on his merry way.”

  “Is he going to be upset when he gets back and finds his cargo isn’t worth what he thought it was?”

  “Probably, but he thought he had took us for all we had, so I’d say it serves him right.”

  “At least we found Grandma a job.”

  She asked, “What’s that?”

  “Deputy Head of Sales, Squirrel Division. Dee, do you have access to the company account?”

  “I do, as a matter of fact.”

  “Set her up with some cash, so she can take care of anything she needs. Matter of fact, do that for anybody on the crew that hasn’t gotten set up yet. Things have been going so fast, I haven’t been keeping up with making sure folks have the money they need.”

  Dee replied, “Sure thing, Bob. I haven’t heard anyone complain, anyhow.”

  “Let’s keep it that way, if we can. Did you have any luck with the other Captain?”

  “He still thinks he can go back to his old life after this.”

  “Is there any way we can let him go, or will he just turn around and attack again?”

  “He says he will leave peaceably, but we have our doubts. Scotti is making sure none of his weapons will fire without a serious overhaul.”

  “I wonder if we could put some of those drones on, without activating them. Save us from having to get close enough to put them on if they decide they want to ram us.”

  Grandma said, “Sally and Scotti told us you would say that. They already have it set up. We were silly, we didn’t believe them.”

  “Good thing they’re thinking ahead, I would have put us late enough they would have had to rush the fix on the drones.”

  Dee replied, “Scotti said it was just a software upgrade. She was able to set it up very quickly.”

  “So, are they already gone?”

  “Nope. Sally figured you would want to be on the bridge for that, just in case.”

  “Yep, I suppose I would. I better hurry up and eat.” When I got to the bridge, Sally said, “Good Morning, Captain. Would you like the conn?”