Shaved Ape Key Read online

  Shaved Ape Key

  by Jerry Boyd

  This book is a work of fiction. All the people, events, and organizations in this book are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to anything in the real world is purely coincidental

  Copyright©2020 Jerry Boyd

  All rights reserved.

  This book may not be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, whole or in part, by any means whatsoever without prior written consent of the author and publisher.

  Dedicated to my long suffering wife, Donna, and my beta readers, Mary, Bernard, Mary Ellen, and Shawn.

  A note about commas, and editing. My beta readers work hard to keep me on the straight and narrow. Anything wrong is probably due to my hard-headedness in not taking their advice. Extra commas you may find scattered through the dialogue, are a blatant attempt at mind control. It’s my way of making the characters sound the same way in your head, that they do in mine.

  I said, “Mr. Topper, bring us out of FTL nice and quiet, let’s see what’s happening before we announce ourselves.”

  Topper replied, “No flash, no transponder. Aye, Boss.”

  We eased back into normal space. The bot on sensors called out, “Sir, I show a ship being pursued by three other ships. The pursuers all show as being Bob’s Saucer Repair property. The rabbit is an unknown.”

  I said, “Ensign Space Cadet, plot a jump to bring us out in front of that rabbit. Mr. Topper, all the light show you can manage, if you please. Tex, their drive must be shielded, or our people would have already shut them down. I’d like a few railgun pellets through their emitters, if you can without opening their cabin to space.”

  Nikki said, “Jump laid in, Captain Caveman.”

  Topper said, “Ready on flash.”

  Tex said, “Let me at them varmints, Captain.”

  I said, “Jump us.”

  Topper must have really pushed the power to our drive flare, the reflection off the ship we were intercepting was plenty bright. I looked at him and said, “Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?”

  He replied, “Sir, some is good, lots is better, and too much is just enough.”

  Tex said, “Sorry, Sir, their emitters are inside their hull. I would have to let their air out to stop them.”

  I replied, “Helm, snuggle us up right in front of them. Tex, let’s see if they’re as stunner resistant as they think they are.”

  Nikki said, “Snuggling, Sir.”

  Tex said, “Stun ‘em till they glow, and then stun ‘em some mo’, aye Sir.”

  I said, “Gene, get Andre and his Marines to the launch bay for a boarding action. Tell Ace to get a ship ready to take them across.”

  Gene replied, “On it, Sir.”

  Topper said, “Incoming call, Boss.”

  I said, “Put it on speaker.”

  Will’s voice came over the speaker. “B.S. Gene Cernan, thanks for the assist. Is that you, Bob?”

  I replied, “Captain Wilson, at your service.”

  “What do you plan next?”

  “We’re going to try out our big, fine new stunner, and see if these fellas are as resistant as they seem to think they are. Then, we’re going to send over our Marines to have a little chat with them.”

  Will asked, “Where did you find Marines?”

  “Turns out, if you have the right unlock code, those big burly cargo bots remember their previous life. It’s a long story, I hope you have some beer to tell it over.”

  “Beer we have. Max has been taking good care of us. You need us, or should we head back?”

  I said, “Hang around, if you don’t mind, at least till we find out if the stunner is effective on them.”

  “Will do. Thanks again for helping us out.”

  “No trouble. See you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  Nikki had us in place by then, and Tex lit them up. Sensors said, “Sir, I show them all stunned.”

  I said, “Gene, tell Ace to launch ass-ape.”

  Gene replied, “He’s on his way, Boss.”

  I turned to Topper. “Mr. Topper, could you make sure Andre and his boys have the Sasquatch language pack? We wouldn’t want any misunderstandings.”

  Topper said, “On it, Boss.”

  Topper set the main screen so we could watch the boarding action. Ace had taken the recovery ship, and the Marines were hanging off the legs. He touched down on the other ship, and they all scrambled off, heading for the airlocks. I hadn’t noticed, till then, that the feet of that ship doubled as grappling clamps. Ace grappled on tight, and the Marines got down to business. They made the manual cranks on the airlocks look easy. It was only a minute or so after they made it aboard that Andre was on the speaker. “Ship secured, Boss. The captives are all out from the stunner. Would it be acceptable if we waited to open the cages till after they wake up, so we can introduce ourselves? If they wake up disoriented, they could do some damage.”

  I replied, “That sounds alright, just get them out as quickly as you can once they wake up. I’m sure they’ve had enough of cages.”

  Andre said, “Understood.”

  Ace began pulling the captured ship back to the Gene. I asked Gene, “Do you have a bay big enough for them to come in, without Ace turning them loose?”

  “Yes, Boss. Scotti finished breaking down that ore body yesterday. That bay is plenty big enough.”

  Topper switched cameras. Ace bringing the captured ship in was on the main screen for the whole process. He set it down, then uncoupled and went back to his normal docking bay. We watched as Angus and his crew showed up to help the Marines transfer the prisoners to the brig. Andre and one of his men went back aboard, presumably to release the captives. Topper said, “Call incoming from Andre, Boss.”

  I said, “Put him on speaker, please.”

  “Boss, I can’t find the key for these cells. Can you ask Engineering to come down here and cut them open?”

  “I’ve got one other thing to try before we do that. Those girls have had enough excitement without somebody taking a torch or a grinder to their cells. You should have some help shortly.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  As soon as the connection was cut, Topper said, “Taz is on his way, Boss. Was that what you were thinking?”

  I replied, “Yes, Mr. Topper, that was what I was thinking. Thank you for being so efficient, even if you are a PITA.”

  Topper replied, “Glad to be of service, Boss.”

  I said, “Why don’t you see if you can get Morning Flower on the line, so we can pipe her to the girls on the ship. She could help them stay calm.”

  “On it, Boss.” Our screen view showed Taz going aboard the captured ship. It was only a minute or two before young, female Squatches began trooping out into the bay. Taz came over the speaker. “Boss, the locks on those cells were a joke. I gave Andre and his people a download on how to pick locks, they shouldn’t have that kind of problem again.”

  I replied, “Good work, Taz. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome, Boss. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye.”

  Topper said, “Morning Flower on the line, Sir.”

  “On speaker, please.”

  “BAWB!! Where did you get the great big ship? Thank you for helping us catch those slavers. They managed to sneak in, before we saw them.”

  “Hi, Morning Flower. We found the ship, thought you might have a use for it, guarding the system.”

  Morning Flower replied, “No, Bawb, we could not take such a present. It is too much.”

  “Could I ask a favor, then?”

  “Sure, Bawb. What do you need?”

  I said, “If I take this ship back with me, I’ll have to hide it, and it won’t get used. That wouldn’t be good for the ship,
or the bots that live on her. If I left her here, do you suppose you could take her out and tour the system with her, keep her exercised?”

  Morning Flower said, “You are sneaky, Bawb. Just like when you told Bugling Elk to keep trying to get my attention.”

  I asked, “How is Bugling Elk?”

  “He is happy. He asked me to mate with him, and I did not tell him to jump in the outhouse.”

  “Should I get you some blankets?”

  Morning Flower said, “I have been careful to count my days. We will not need blankets yet.”

  “Good. I brought you new ships to fly. You wouldn’t fit if you had a belly.”

  She asked, “New ships? You brought the new ships?”

  “We did. Come aboard, and you can fly one, see if you like it.”

  She said, “If it is like the simm-you-later, I will like it very much. Pouncing Fox and Wet Bobcat are flying the other two ships, can they come, too?”

  I looked at Topper. He said, “We’ve got plenty of room, Boss.”

  I said, “Sure, bring them along.”

  Topper switched the camera view so we could see them come aboard. They formed up and did the approach and landing together. All of them touched down at the same time. Nikki said, “Wow! There are pilots who graduate from the Academy and can’t fly that well. I’m impressed.”

  I said, “Gene, could you page Ruth to the bridge, please?”

  Gene replied, “No, Boss. She’s already here.”

  I said, “Topper?”

  “Yes, Boss?”

  “Ruth has the helm, and you have the conn, you mind-reading son of a vacuum cleaner.”

  Topper replied, “Ruth at the helm, me with the conn, aye, Sir. Mom always did like a tidy house.”

  I said, “Ensign Wilson, let’s go greet our guests.”

  “Aye, aye, Captain Caveman.”

  When we stepped out of the transit, Morning Flower ran over to me, picked me up and spun me around. “Bawb! You’re back!”

  “I am. Have you had much trouble with slavers since I was away?”

  “Only a couple of times. These were the first ones who made it to the planet.”

  I asked, “You talked to the girls that got taken. Are they okay?”

  Morning Flower replied, “They’re fine. Didn’t get the thing-that-hurts or anything. They all think it was a big adventure.”

  “If they like adventures, maybe you should teach them to fly.”

  She said, “They sound like the kind of girls who want to stay at home and raise babies, Bawb. I don’t think they would want to be pilots.”

  I saw Scotti and Ace talking. I stepped over to them. Scotti said, “Yes, Boss?”

  “Could you make sure the ladies we rescued get a ride home? I think these pilots are going to be busy for a bit.”

  Scotti replied, “I’ll see to it, Boss. Ace can show you down to the launch bay the fighters will be flying out of. He was just asking if he could accompany them on their first flight.”

  I looked at Morning Flower. “Is that a problem?”

  She said, “No, Bawb. If he can keep up.”

  Ace laughed, “I’ll do my best, Ma’am.”

  He led us down to the fighter bay. Once there, he started pointing things out. He said, “That is the departure hatch, and down there is the arrival hatch. If everybody moves through the bay in the same direction, traffic flows much better. One fighter going the wrong way down the deck can cause a big mess. Right now, we have the old-style fighters, sized for humans and bots, on the left side, and new ones, sized for you ladies, on the right.”

  Nikki spoke up. “Morning Flower, would you mind if I flew with you as well? I haven’t had much chance to fly one of these.”

  Morning Flower said, “You don’t have a belly yet, it should be okay.” Ace and Nikki loaded up in the older machines, while Morning Flower’s ladies picked out some of the new machines. The exit hatch opened, with the force field holding in the air. I didn’t realize the bay had an electromagnetic catapult, until it started to tug at my Ruger. I grabbed my pistol and backed away from the launch track. The ships shot into space, one right after the other. I thought it was just precision flying, till Gene came over the intercom. “I haven’t directed a cat shot like that in so long. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

  I asked, “So you control the ships as they’re leaving?”

  “I control the magnets that launch them. Once they leave the ship, they are on their own.”

  I said, “It was nicely done.”

  Gene replied, “My design spec was to get all four bays of fighters into the black in under thirty seconds. With Scotti’s help, I once launched them all in nineteen seconds.”

  I replied, “You’re just a lifetime supply of whoop-ass, ain’t you?”

  “I try, Boss. Would you like a camera feed of the flight exercise?”

  I said, “That would be great. Where can I find a screen?” A light trail led me to the office. I asked, “What was this office used for, way back when?”

  Gene said, “All the pilots and mechanics were bots, but Navy policy said they had to be overseen by a human. The officer in charge occupied this office, usually with the door sealed in case of a pressure breach on the flight deck.” I noticed a cot off to the side. “What’s the cot for?”

  Gene replied, “The bots were very competent, so no supervision was really needed. Besides, if something goes wrong on a flight deck full of high-performance spacecraft, it’s going to be over before an organic being can react. Most of the watch standers passed their time in the bunk, some not alone.”

  “I see. That doesn’t sound like an efficient use of personnel, to me.”

  “We didn’t think so, either, but the humans insisted we couldn’t run the flight deck without supervision.” Gene brought up the external camera view of Nikki and the rest of the pilots. Nikki and Ace were acting as mock aggressors, for the girls to practice against. At first, Nikki had Ace on her wing, but as the girls began to figure out her tricks, she fell back and let Ace take the lead. The girls had some trouble with that, since Ace’s tactics were completely different than Nikki’s. It was quite the show. All too soon, Gene said, “They’re coming back aboard, Captain. Please stay in the office until they have all recovered.” I replied, “No problem, Gene.” They came back aboard, not as close together as they had launched, but still very quickly. I asked Gene, “So what’s your time to recycle the craft back into the black for another patrol?”

  “Well, Captain, the only consumables aboard are oxygen and water for the pilots, and railgun ammo. We used bot pilots back in the day, and the railgun magazines are big enough we never ran one dry on a flight. We never even thought about recycling the craft back onto patrol under time pressure.”

  I said, “That makes sense, I just never thought it through that far. I like the way you run flight ops, Gene.”

  “Thank you, Sir.” I went out to see what the pilots had to say. Morning Flower came up to me. “These are so much fun! Thank you, Bawb!” I replied, “You’re welcome! Do you think you can catch slavers with those?”

  Wet Bobcat spoke up, “If we can’t, it’s our fault. Those ships rock.”

  I said, “I’ll tell Scotti you like her work.”

  Pouncing Fox said, “No, Bawb, you are wrong. We love her work!”

  Morning Flower said, “She is right. This ship is almost as much fun as Bugling Elk.”

  Ace added, “They’re good with them, too. We really had to dig deep to think of tactics to confuse them.”

  Nikki said, “Even the old-style fighters are fairly impressive. I can’t wait till Bucky and Rimmi get a chance to fly one.”

  I asked, “So how many pilots do you have trained to fly these, Morning Flower?”

  She replied, “So far, we have only fifteen, but I think if we show some of the girls what these will do, we’d get a lot more volunteers.”

  I asked, “Do we need to get Scotti to build you some two seaters, so y
ou can give them a ride?”

  “Do you think she could?”

  I replied, “She might have to leave out the railgun, to get the extra room, but I bet she probably could.”

  Ace said, “Would you like me to ask her about it, Boss? I’ve got to go that way anyhow. My crew is getting ready to launch for the planet. You mind if I take one of the recovery ships? They can’t haul multiple ships per load, but they are a lot nicer for ugly rescues.”

  I said, “We’re headed that way too, I think. Morning Flower will remind me to ask, if I forget. Go ahead and take whichever ship you think best, but be advised, if you go with us to Earth, all we’ll be flying is stealth freighters.”

  Ace replied, “Understood. They saved us a few ugly ones on this planet, that I’d rather have the recovery ship for. Only reason they didn’t get priority when you were here before is their life support is holding up well.”

  I said, “I know you’re taking Hopper. Do you have a ground crew picked out?”

  “Mr. Miller said he had plenty of bots on the planet who already knew the job.”

  I said, “Sounds like you have it under control. If you meet any big bots, be sure and tell Andre.”

  “Will do, Boss. Later.”

  “Fly safe, Ace.”

  The rest of us headed back to the other bay, so the girls could take their freighters back to the planet. Morning Flower asked, “How soon will you come down to the planet, Bawb?”

  I replied, “It won’t be very long. Tell Bugling Elk I said, ‘Hi.’”

  “I wish I could, Bawb. He is on a trip, teaching Knocks Hard all the places where animals live, so he will be able to hunt here.”

  I asked, “Who’s taking care of Falling Rain?”

  “Oh, Bawb. She’s fine, since she was in the box. The old ladies ran Knocks Hard off, they will help her with the baby.”

  Diego walked up, a little tentatively. I said, “C’mon, Diego. You learned Galactic, didn’t you?”

  He replied, “Yes, Boss.”

  “Come talk to Morning Flower. She speaks better Galactic than me. I never got to where I could sing the song of her people, though. Will says you have to start when you’re young to ever get it close to right.”