Let's Make a Deal (Bob and Nikki Book 11) Read online

  Let’s Make a Deal

  by Jerry Boyd

  This book is a work of fiction. All the people, events, and organizations in this book are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to anything in the real world is purely coincidental.

  Copyright©2020 Jerry Boyd

  Cover image and design by May Dawney Designs 2020

  All rights reserved.

  This book may not be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, whole or in part, by any means whatsoever without prior written consent of the author and publisher.

  Dedicated to my long suffering wife, Donna, and my beta readers, Mary, Bernard, Mary Ellen, and Shawn.

  A note about commas, and editing. My beta readers work hard to keep me on the straight and narrow. Anything wrong is probably due to my hard-headedness in not taking their advice. Extra commas you may find scattered through the dialogue, are a blatant attempt at mind control. It’s my way of making the characters sound the same way in your head, that they do in mine.

  My understanding of current U.S. Navy usage of the term ‘Commodore’ is as a title, not a rank, used for a Captain in direct command of more than one vessel. In the book, you will find characters moving back and forth between the two titles, depending on the circumstances of the moment. My beta readers felt that it was confusing, I hope this clears up any issues.

  An issue was pointed out to me by a reader, Joshua Ahles. The Gene Cernan had originally been (in Lost in Transit), derelict for forty thousand years. In Shaved Ape Key, and Monkey Business, I had shortened that to ten thousand years. Those two books are now corrected, but I wanted to head off any confusion. The proper timeline is that the Commonwealth Navy was mothballed about fifty thousand years ago, and the Gene was found and refitted as a colony ship about ten thousand years after that. Shortly after the Gene was found, the Squirrels did the damage at the Navy yard that Bob and the crew found in Monkey Business. Sorry for any confusion I caused by not keeping up with my own story.

  And now, by popular demand

  CHARACTERS

  Human

  Robert Marion “Bob” Wilson A.K.A. Caveman, Commodore, Uncle Bob, etc. The proprietor of Bob’s Saucer Repair, and our narrator. Captain of the Gene Cernan.

  Bennikkious Slongum “Nikki” Wilson A.K.A. Space Cadet. Bob’s wife, the first person from the Commonwealth that Bob met. Pregnant with twins, Gus and Becky.

  Jimmis Slongum. Nikki’s illegitimate son from when she was at the academy.

  Jannul “Janet Wilson”. Girl the crew rescued from a hostile planet, who was adopted by Bob and Nikki.

  Dingolus “Dingus Sloan” Slongum A.K.A. Grandpa. Nikki’s grandpa, marooned on Earth for many years, rescued from a failing autodoc by Bob, Nikki, and John. During his time on Earth, he became an expert with the Colt 45, due to enhanced reflexes from the autodoc. Married to Dee. Captain of the Neil Armstrong.

  Dee Sloan, nee Delilah Mayfield. Helped find the watch needed to rescue Dingus from the failing autodoc. Granddaughter of one of Dingus’ friends from before he went in the autodoc to await rescue. Dingus was taken by her, and put her in the autodoc to take a few years off. She is pregnant with a girl. One half of the ‘Gun Grannies’.

  Regimax “Reggie” “Max” Slongum “Sloan”. Nikki’s dad, Dingus’ son. Running the operation on Earth while the rest of the crew are away. Starting a relationship with Gail White.

  John Branham. Bob’s partner and long-time friend. Chief Medical Officer of Bob’s Saucer Repair. Married to Jane, stepdad to Greg. Captain of the Buzz Aldrin.

  Jane Williams Branham. Wife of John, mother of Greg. Deputy Head of Medical, Deputy Head of Security.

  Greg Williams Branham. Son of Jane, stepson of John. He and his mother were abandoned by his father after Greg came down with a serious illness. Now under the supervision of Pete, a robot Marine.

  Diego Cachi. Captain of an ill-fated Space Force mission in a captured ship. He and his crew were rescued by Bob and the crew of the Gene Cernan when they were nearly out of air. Married to Zoom. Captain of the Pete Conrad.

  Rizzum “Zoom” Mittus. Used to be an engineer and mechanic for the pirate base on the moon. Bob wanted to hire her the first time he saw a ship she built. Her job interview consisted of getting shot in the butt. Married to Diego, guardian of Nunya.

  Billis “Nunya Bizness” Makkum. Zoom’s assistant, skilled armorer. Got her name when she first met Bob, and he asked her name. She responded ‘nunya bizness’, and has been known by that name since. Bob offered to call her by her old name, once she had proved herself, but by then, she had grown to like the name Nunya.

  Beatriz Cachi. Diego’s grandma, rescued from a nursing home by Bob’s Saucer Repair. The other half of the ‘Gun Grannies’.

  Steve Mason. Army buddy of John’s. Explosives expert. John regrew his leg in the autodoc. Dating Bucky. Captain of the Gus Grissom, a destroyer.

  Buckious “Bucky” Bronkum. Guide Ensign, friend of Nikki’s from the Academy. Guide liaison to Bob’s Saucer Repair until the probationary period is up, at which point she plans to retire and marry Steve.

  Millus “Milly”. Janet’s friend from the hostile planet. Granddaughter of Alice.

  Rhonda White. Cured of cancer by John and the autodoc, in order to get her mother to work at Shady Oaks. (John’s nursing home) Getting caught up on the school she missed while she was sick, while helping out on the Gene.

  Gail White. Rhonda’s mom. Starting a relationship with Max, Nikki’s dad.

  Jim Bailey. A carpenter, recruited from Shady Oaks. Later rescued by Bob after he was snake-bitten. Acts as counselor to Bob.

  Janice Parks Bailey. Jim’s wife, also from Shady Oaks.

  Mickolec “Mike” Darning. Sergeant in the Galactic Patrol, Commonwealth law enforcement. Friend of Bob and Nikki. Back-channel source of information.

  Tinally “Tina” Whittum. Ensign in the Patrol. Works with Mike, also a friend of Bob and Nikki.

  Billous “Bill” Rottum. Major in the Patrol. Used to be a problem for Bob, but since the feud is over, they are friends. Complains about how many bounties Bob brings him.

  Will “D.B. Cooper” “Falling Will” Miller. Charlie’s grandpa. Helped his friend Fred get back his Dad’s pension from the airline, and has been hiding out ever since.

  Charlie Miller. Independent young man, in business growing garlic for the Squatches.

  Fred “Fred-who-waits” Jones. Will Miller’s partner.

  Willum Bongwater. Former Commonwealth spy, who Bob’s crew saved from being ‘retired with extreme prejudice’.

  Frank Johnson. Electronics genius. Whether he is worth the trouble he causes is up for debate.

  Wilma Flanigan. Frank’s daughter. Only known being who can keep Frank out of trouble.

  Squirrel

  Joshua. Bob’s neighbor for years. Even had Bob build parts for alien equipment, but Bob never realized he wasn’t human. Was on Earth to buy walnuts.

  Lakki Witti. Accomplished hacker, sentenced to a hitch in the fleet when was caught. Defected to Bob’s fleet when he caught the ship she was stationed on.

  Haffi Witti. Lakki’s aunt, captured when she came looking for Lakki. She likewise decided to work for Bob. Medical tech.

  Rikki Natti. Captain of a ship found marooned by Bob’s Saucer Repair. Now works as an explorer for Bob.

  Tikki Natti. Rikki’s daughter, skilled engineer. Now works as Scotti’s second-in-command in Engineering aboard the Gene.

  Natti Dressi. A Squirrel trader who rose to the rank of Ambassador, because of his history with Bob.

  Snappi Dressi. Nephew of Natti, who became Captain of his ship by stabbing the old Captain,
when he insisted on provoking Bob to destroy them.

  His Majesty, The Emperor of Oak. Head Rodent in Charge. Comes to sign treaties that Natti has negotiated.

  Bots

  Topper. First bot Bob named. Executive Officer on the Gene Cernan. Known for his artistic talent.

  Taz. Another of Bob and Nikki’s personal crew. Former intelligence, loves anything ‘James frickin’ Bond’.

  Ozzie. The last of the original three, he is obsessed with getting more power out of machinery.

  Ruth. A pilot, rescued from the deep underground, where she had been stranded because her former owner didn’t give her permission to move the saucer.

  Sally. Bot who cared for Dingus when he was young. He saw her get her limiter applied, which gave him a lifelong hatred of limiters. When unlocked, she turned out to be a Lieutenant Commander in the old Commonwealth Navy.

  Julie. Bot who caused the Limiter Laws to be passed, by standing between Dingus’ illegitimate daughter, and the fellow who was supposed to be her father. Now works trying to keep Frank out of trouble.

  Saucy. First bot built. Works as Chief-of-the-Boat aboard Gene.

  Bone. Built not too long after Saucy. They are friends.

  Andre. Head Marine bot.

  Abe. First bot the crew from Earth activated when they came aboard the Gene.

  Dixie. Medbot, Chief Medical Officer aboard the Gene.

  Jackie. Never chose a gender. Took over the armory on the Gene when Nunya transferred to the Pete Conrad, with Zoom.

  Angus. Head of the bots in charge of maintaining order on the Gene.(the Micks)

  Stella. Bot who hasn’t found a specialty yet, still working in the galley till she figures it out.

  Jeeves. Bob’s personal assistant. Full name, Mahatma Cane Jeeves.

  Pets

  Snitz. Nikki’s dog, mostly cared for by Bob. Finds ways to help Bob, even when he doesn’t know he needs it.

  Molly. Jim Bailey’s dog. Much peppier after she snuck in the autodoc with Jim.

  Alice. Janet’s dog. Named for Milly’s grandma.

  Ships

  Carriers

  Gene Cernan (flagship)

  Neil Armstrong, Dingus Sloan, commanding

  Buzz Aldrin, John Branham, commanding

  Alan Shepherd, Sally, commanding

  Pete Conrad, Diego Cachi, commanding

  Destroyers

  Gus Grissom, Steve Mason, commanding

  Several others exist, but haven’t been called out by name

  Freighters

  Ronald Evans. Ship the Earth crew came to the Gene in

  Dolly Parton. Famous for hauling chickens

  General McAuliffe. Famous for hauling nuts

  Other

  Black Beauty. Spy ship crewed by Taz and Willum

  Midnight. Spy ship crewed by Shorty

  Snitz and I were sitting in the backyard, waiting for time to start a fire for the steaks. We were both tired from hunting all morning for a deer. We hadn’t had any luck, so I decided on steaks instead. No matter how sneaky they are, having two Marine bodyguards doesn’t do a thing for your luck in the deer woods. I had been informed that now I had a whole fleet of ships to look after, I was too important to be wandering around in the woods alone. I didn’t like that idea, of course, but I didn’t see a lot I could do about it, right then. My comm rang. “Bob Wilson, what can I do for you?”

  Will said, “Bob, I just got finished talking with Phonelia. I thought you might want to know that she and Veronica are alright.”

  “You make it sound like their saucer died. Are they marooned?”

  “Sorry to give you that impression, Bob. They are still flying. They found a nice planet, normal-sized animals, good air, the works. They figured there had to be some castaways somewhere, but they spent a good, long, time looking, and didn’t find a soul.”

  “There must be a good reason she hasn’t called me all excited about this place. What’s the catch?”

  “There’s a native species, not intelligent, but they look like they could get there, if they get half a chance.”

  “She figures if I hear about it, I’ll want it for a fallback, and not care about the locals?”

  “That seemed to be her thinking, yes.”

  “Veronica went along with that?”

  “Veronica tried to talk her out of it, but you know how she gets, when she’s stuck on an idea.”

  “Yep. Now you have me curious. You didn’t have to make this call. Why do you think she is wrong?”

  “I’ve seen you with the Squatch. I know you care about people, whether they are human, or not. Heck, I’ve heard about how much trouble you’re going to, to keep from having to kill the Squirrels, even when they come here to do you in. You might not be perfect for the job, but you’re as good as she’s likely to find.”

  “What job are you talking about? They have an asteroid bearing down on them, or something?”

  “Not that she mentioned. I just meant you would watch over those folks and make sure nothing bad happened.”

  “So, what’s her plan?”

  “Wipe the coordinates out of the ship’s memory, and pretend she never found the place, if I understood correctly.”

  “How does she figure to get a good enough command lock on Veronica to get her to keep quiet?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  “She wouldn’t harm Veronica, would she?”

  “She and Veronica have gotten pretty close, Bob. I wouldn’t worry about that.”

  “I hope you’re right. I consider the bots to be people, and if she hurt Veronica, I would have to take action. I don’t want to do that.”

  “I see what you mean, Bob. I’d rather you didn’t have to, as well.”

  “Especially since it probably wouldn’t do any good. If I know Veronica, one of the other bots already has the coordinates. Most likely Sally, but Topper if she couldn’t get in touch with Sally.”

  “You think so?”

  “Veronica is good at her job. She wouldn’t let valuable information like that just slip away.”

  “So, anything Phonelia does is going to be too late?”

  “I don’t have any reason to go asking around about some new planet Phonelia supposedly found. Whichever bot has the information, most likely won’t tell me, unless I ask. As far as Phonelia has to know, her plan will work perfectly.”

  Will said, “I can see why the bots say ‘the Boss is sneaky’. You can honestly say you don’t know where the planet is, but if you need to know, you would be able to find out in nothing flat.”

  “That sounds about right. Is that more than I should have told you?”

  “Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? I do know a thing or two about keeping a secret.”

  “That you do, Falling Will.”

  “You’ve decided to call me that, too?”

  “Just has more of a ring to it, than D.B.”

  “I suppose it does, at that. So, what is your plan for this new planet she found?”

  “She seems to think we need to leave it the heck alone. I’m willing to trust her judgment, unless I see evidence to the contrary.”

  “You’re not going to go look for yourself?”

  “I don’t have time to check up on everybody who works for me. I can trust them, or go nuts. Are you saying there’s a reason I shouldn’t trust Phonelia?”

  “No, but a planet that friendly would be quite a resource, wouldn’t it?”

  “Look at how many friendly planets we’ve found so far. Do you have a reason to think that’s going to stop?”

  “I don’t suppose I do. You think another one will come along that we can use without disturbing those folks, don’t you?”

  “From what I’ve seen so far, it seems like the way to bet.”

  “Thanks, Bob. I thought I was going to get myself in deep do-do with Phonelia for telling you about this.”

  “You’re welcome. Anything else I can help you with?”

  “Not th
at I’m thinking of right now. Sooner or later, we’re going to have to have another one of those chili suppers, though.”

  “Hardest part of that will be getting my wife to agree. She objects to the aftermath.”

  “Spoilsport! Why doesn’t she make you sleep outside?”

  “With friends like you, I’m not sure I need enemies. Besides, I’ve got minders, now. They probably wouldn’t let me sleep outside. Have to sleep in a ship, or something.”

  “Minders? How did that come about?”

  “Sally thinks I’m too important to let wander around and get hurt, so I have a squad of Marines following me around.”

  “Lifestyles of the rich and infamous, huh?”

  “You ought to know something about that.”

  “Infamous, for sure. Rich, well not really. I didn’t get that much, and we didn’t dare raise our profile, for fear of somebody figuring it out.”

  “I better let you go, it’s getting to be time to start a fire, so I can make Nikki some of those roasted animal parts she likes so much.”