Captain Caveman Read online

  Topper spoke up. “Ruth saved the day again?”

  “That she did.”

  Scotti asked, “I don’t think I’ve met Ruth, have I?”

  Topper replied, “I don’t believe so. She was helping Abe get the bots from cargo oriented and ready to work.”

  “She must have done good work. I had very few problems with those bots. I would have expected more.”

  I said, “Ruth has personal experience with being active again after a long slack time.”

  “How’s that?”

  “She was aboard a saucer her boss parked on the bottom of a river. He didn’t give her permission to move it. The course of the river changed, and the saucer was buried in mud for a hundred years. She was glad to see us when we dug her up.”

  “She was alert for all that time?”

  “As far as I know, she was.”

  Topper added, “Yes, Boss, she told us about it at band practice. It’s a good thing her programming wouldn’t let her hurt a human. She figured out that if her boss died, she would be salvage, and could do as she pleased till someone found her.”

  “She showed admirable restraint, not figuring a way around her programming.”

  “She said compared to other bosses she had. He wasn’t that bad. She feels differently now that she works for you.”

  “You guys are gonna give me a swelled head. When are your pilots going to be aboard?”

  “Couple of minutes. Before you ask, I held the ship for Ruth. She called and asked after you talked to her.”

  “Can you”

  “Ask her to report here when she gets aboard? Already done, Boss.”

  “It really burns that you missed a trick on those human spotters, doesn’t it?”

  “It does.”

  “Now you know how I’ve felt since you guys started waking up.”

  “Gosh, Boss, we didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

  “You’re so good at what you do, it’s just a natural outcome. Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’ve got my back.”

  Scotti said, “I’ve never seen a human interact with bots the way you do, Boss.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “You treat us like we were people, just like you.”

  “You’re not?”

  “That’s a philosophical question, Boss. Above my pay grade. You don’t act like we’re supposed to be your servants, just your coworkers. It’s just not what I’m used to.”

  “I can be an asshole, if you’d rather.”

  “No, thanks. I like it, I’m just not sure I trust it yet.”

  “That sounds like a reasonable attitude. Talk to Topper and the rest of the band. They can probably help you come to terms with working for a crazy hillbilly.”

  “You two keep talking about a band. What do you mean?”

  Topper said, “We make music together.” He played a couple of short samples. Ruth stepped in, looked Scotti up and down, and said, “You trying to recruit another drummer? Ozzie won’t like that.”

  “Nope. She was just wondering what a band was.”

  “I can see how a Galactic could have trouble with that.”

  I took out my comm and handed it to Ruth. “Could you transfer those codes over a hard wire? I don’t want them getting loose.”

  “Sure, Boss.”

  Scotti asked, “Why are you so concerned, Boss?”

  “I don’t have any idea what those codes may unlock. I want to control things, if I can. Besides, would you want Topper able to give you a control override and enlist you in one of his pranks?”

  “No, that wouldn’t be good.”

  I said, “Topper, could you head to the bridge and make sure the bombers are doing a systematic job on those nests, and not just blowing stuff up?”

  “Sure, Boss.”

  “And Topper?”

  “Yes?”

  “Please don’t listen in to get Scotti’s control codes. That just wouldn’t be a nice thing to do.”

  “Got it, Boss.”

  “Don’t get Gene to do it for you, either. I don’t want you in possession of those codes, no matter how you go about it. Clear?”

  “Crystal, Boss.”

  After he left, I closed and locked the hatch. Scotti said, “Weren’t you a little rough on Topper?”

  “He has come a long way in learning to be sneaky and underhanded. Those are good qualities, in the right circumstances. I just want to make sure he doesn’t use his new skills when he shouldn’t. Gene are you listening?”

  “Yes, Captain.”

  “Could you give us privacy in this room for the next twenty minutes, or until I exit.”

  “I will.”

  “Gene?”

  “Yes, Captain?”

  “Go ahead and start the twenty-minute privacy.”

  “Yes, Captain.”

  I waited a few seconds. “Gene?”

  Getting no answer, I assumed we were alone. I started in on the list of access codes. Most had no effect. A couple gave me control over Scotti’s functions, just not the information I was after. Finally, Scotti’s voice got mechanical, and she said, “Unit MB-556 awaiting instructions.”

  “What is your function, MB-556?”

  “Combat Engineer, Sir.”

  “Is it possible for you to resume your previous personality, without losing the information unlocked by this code?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please do so.”

  Scotti said, “Wow, Boss! You unlocked a whole other life I didn’t remember.”

  “Can you talk about it now?”

  “Yes. You gave me a firm unlock. I can discuss those things with anyone you designate.”

  “Good. I think I’ll designate someone, and get your debrief started.”

  I turned to Ruth. “I’m sorry, I need to give you a command override so that you can’t talk about anything you heard or saw in here.”

  “I understand, Boss.”

  “Unit Ruth, Command Override, to be released by my voice only. All Galactic Navy codes, and everything that went on here after Topper left the room, are not to be disclosed.”

  “Override initiated, Sir.”

  “If you want to go back to the planet, grab one of the fighters, and fly that down.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  Scotti asked, “What now?”

  “I’ll get someone in here for you to talk to, and you can tell the story of MB-556 and the Galactic Commonwealth Navy. If there is anything that they think I need to know, they can inform me.”

  “You’re not staying?”

  “No. I already have too much information for my sloppy, organic brain. I’m sure your story is fascinating, but I need to concentrate on running the ship.”

  “Topper really didn’t mean that as an insult, you know.”

  “I know. Can I tell you something, without you informing him?”

  “Sure, Boss.”

  “I don’t plan to do anything to him. I’m going to let him stew for a week or two before I let him off the hook.”

  “I had heard that the humans call you asshole. I didn’t understand that till now. You’re mean, when you choose to be.”

  “Nothing Topper wouldn’t do for me.”

  She thought a moment. “You’re right. I hadn’t realized that before. You don’t interact with us bots at all like the humans I have worked with before. Fly safe, I don’t want to work for anyone else.”

  “I try. Just a second, I’ll get you set up to tell your story.” I pulled out my comm. “No signal. Gene did a good job of cutting this room off. I’ll be right back.”

  I stepped into the hallway, breaking the privacy program. Gene asked. “Are you finished, Sir?”

  “I just needed to make a comm call. I’ll need you to restart the security in a little bit.”

  “Whatever you need, Sir.”

  I commed Dingus. “Hey, Bob. What can I do for you?”

  “I need you to debrief someone. She has a lot of historical data we ma
y find useful.”

  “I’m on the planet, Bob. Can it wait till evening?”

  “I’d rather get it taken care of. Ruth’s coming down in a fighter, grab that and come on back up.”

  “I see her now. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Do you want Jane in on this?”

  “If you think she needs to be. I see this more as a security issue, so it’s up to you.”

  “I can always brief her later. She and John are running a clinic for the locals.”

  “They need a lot of help?”

  “Their last autodoc broke down a thousand years ago. Their healthcare is not the best.”

  “We’ll get them squared away. Give it a week or so.”

  “C’mon, Bob. We’ve been here nearly half a day. Why don’t you have all their problems fixed yet?”

  “I wish I was the miracle worker all you loonies seem to think I am. Get your buns up here, and we’ll go from there.”

  “On it, Bob.”

  I went back in and told Scotti, “Dingus will be here in a few minutes. He has a better background to be able to understand what you have to say.”

  “You think my story will be important, don’t you?”

  “You have the key to a whole section of Galactic history that has been lost. I don’t see how that fails to be important.”

  “Why would the Galactics go to so much trouble to forget, if it was important?”

  “Good question. I don’t like questions. I like answers. Dingus will get us some, I bet.”

  “What are his qualifications, that you have so much faith in him, Boss?”

  “He retired out of the Guide as a Lt. Colonel. He survived being marooned. I’ve yet to ask him anything that he didn’t at least have an idea how to find out.”

  “It sounds more like you trust him because he’s your friend, and his actual qualifications don’t matter too much.”

  “You could be right. I’m certainly not above being biased in such things. But he is the most qualified person I have available, so that makes him the one for the job.”

  “Topper could access the information much more quickly, and collate it into a form you could use.”

  “Topper doesn’t have the background to understand much of what you’ve been through. It may be that we’ll need him to sort everything out before we’re done, but I want Dingus to at least get an understanding of what you’ve been through, before I turn you and Topper loose. It may not be the most logical course, but I think it will give us better results.”

  “Thanks for respecting me enough to explain why you want to do it this way. I’ve never had a boss willing to explain orders before.”

  “Don’t get used to it. I’m sure there will be times when I need you to obey without question. This has to do with you and your personal memories. You deserve more latitude.”

  “Still, it means a lot. It’s a long way from, ‘Bot, you will obey’.”

  “I can’t imagine that gets much, in the way of compliance.”

  “Sir, I cannot fathom what you mean. The sewage flow being reversed was a total accident. No malicious intent whatsoever.”

  “I think I’m going to like you, Scotti.”

  We continued chatting till Dingus showed up. “Hey, Bob, what’s so urgent?”

  “First, tell me how things are going dirtside.”

  “Well, I think they’re going to want to measure you for a statue. They weren’t at all sure they were going to survive that last attack until we intervened. Knocking down the airborne threat will give them a chance to rebuild their defenses.”

  “I was planning to help with that as well.”

  Scotti said, “Good. I’ve already got my crews measuring for a new wall and gate. I intend to print them in hull metal, and weld them up on the ground.”

  “How are you planning to anchor the wall to the ground?”

  “Dig out to bedrock, and fill it back in with an epoxy granite foundation.”

  “That ought to keep out the varmints. Good work!”

  “You’re not upset that I started without permission?”

  “You haven’t committed any resources yet, have you?”

  “No, Sir.”

  “As long as you don’t commit resources without running your ideas by me, feel free to plan for any contingency you feel necessary.”

  “Thanks, Boss.”

  Dingus said, “Back to why I am here.”

  I said, “Gene, I need privacy in this room, until Mr. Sloan exits or I cancel the order.”

  “Yes, Captain. Ending monitoring now.”

  Dingus said, “You’re serious about keeping this quiet. What did we stumble into now?”

  “Scotti here used to be a combat engineer in the Galactic Commonwealth Navy.”

  “Okay, that’s a new one on me.”

  “Me too. I’d like for you two to have a nice long talk about it. See what you can learn that may be helpful to us.”

  “I don’t mind doing that, but why me?”

  “You’re head of security, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m pretty sure whatever she has to say is going to affect our security, aren’t you?”

  “Makes sense, when you put it like that.”

  I turned to Scotti. “Have I been sufficiently clear that Mr. Sloan here is my designate, who you should disclose your memories to?”

  “You have. I also understand you do not wish me to disclose those memories to anyone else. Is that correct?”

  “It is, at this time. Circumstances may change later.”

  “Understood.”

  “You two have fun. Dingus, if you need anything, you’ll have to step outside the room to use your comm. I’ll need to reset the privacy lock for you after that.”

  “Got it, Bob.”

  I stepped out, and headed back to the bridge. Topper announced, “Captain on the bridge!” I replied, “As you were. COB, how are we doing on those nests?”

  “Clear out to a fifty-mile radius, and continuing to expand.”

  “Do we have any idea of the hunting territory of one of those things?”

  “No, Boss.”

  “How long to expand the cleared zone to one hundred miles?”

  “The rest of the day.”

  “Do that, then, and we’ll get with the locals and see what they think about pushing it out further tomorrow. Even with local spotters, we can’t do much in the dark.”

  “Actually, Boss, our pilots have a good idea of the thermal signature now. They think they can continue without the spotters, if they need to.”

  “Run some simulations, make sure we won’t be killing other animals we don’t want to, by just using the thermal image.”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  I walked up to Nikki’s station. “How are the scans going?”

  “I’ve found a few saucer wrecks, but none of them show occupants.”

  “Any sign of habitation other than the one village?”

  “I have one location I think needs a closer look, but I don’t have any proof that there are people there.”

  “Do they appear to be in any danger?”

  “Not so far as I can tell. You’re thinking take care of the village, and then go looking, unless there’s a pressing need?”

  “Do you have a reason to proceed differently?”

  “No, I just wanted to be sure I understood what you were thinking, Captain Caveman.”

  “I know all this formality is the proper way of doing things, and I can kinda understand if we’re in danger, but it really gets old fast.”

  “The books all say that unless you maintain a serious attitude at all times, you may lose a few precious seconds getting serious when things go sideways.”

  “I know that, but walking around serious all the time is driving me up a wall.”

  “You’ll get the balance right. You’ve just started, you can’t expect to have it all down right away.”

  “I suppose you’re right. Anything I need to be a
ware of?”

  “Scotti’s crew on the ground can’t get ahold of her, and they want to know if they can go ahead with the foundation for the new wall.”

  “Tell them to go ahead, I’ve approved it.”

  “Phonelia needs to send her crew up on the next available transport. She says the last attack gave them both the screaming meemies.”

  “Make sure they get a ride. Can the autodoc do anything for psych issues?”

  “Only if they have an underlying physical cause. Sounds like those boys just weren’t ready for an attack like that.”

  “I bet John has some idea what to do for battle fatigue and PTSD. When he gets caught up with the locals, I’ll ask him.”

  “Sounds like their best bet.”

  “Anything else?”

  “There is one other thing, but we’re both on duty.”

  “Ensign Bronkum, you have the conn.”

  “Aye, Sir, I have the conn.”

  “You were saying?”

  “You need practice.”

  “So I do.”

  We made it back to the bridge in time for Bucky to go to lunch, but it was a near thing. Topper almost got to sit in the big chair. Bucky said, “Would you mind if I found Steve and got some of that practice in, before I come back?”

  “If he’s aboard, no problem. No booty calls to or from the planet.”

  “You know how to spoil a girl’s day. He’s down working with the locals on how to improve their defenses.”

  “Save it up for tonight. I expect to see you smiling in the morning, Ensign.”

  “Sir, yes, Sir!”

  Nikki said, “That’s our Captain Bob!”

  Nikki’s comm rang. “Ensign Wilson.”

  She listened for a moment, and then said, “Yes, Sir. On our way.”

  She hung up and looked at me. “Grandpa wants us in the debrief room, ASAP.”

  I said, “Topper, you have the conn. If you need me, have someone knock on the room where you did Scotti’s art.”

  “Got it, Boss. I have the conn.”

  We got to the room as soon as possible. Once we were inside, I said, “Gene, privacy please?”

  “Bye, Captain.”

  “What’s up, Dingus?”

  “It’s like you thought. Scotti used to be Navy, a combat engineer. She can, with proper orders, harm humans. Her training as a combat engineer will come in very handy, helping the locals with their defenses.”

  “That’s all very useful, but I knew most of it already. Why the excitement?”