Starfoot Page 2
“More like ‘Certified Bob Handler’. Crap, I just remembered. I didn’t ask Topper to start hopping up another saucer for Phonelia.”
I commed Topper. “Hi Boss, any news?”
“No news is good news, at this point, Topper. I just wondered, have you boys started putting bigger emitters in the other saucers yet?”
“We’ve got two sets coming out of the printer right before that pipe you need.”
“That’s great! Can you copy that good sensor array from Nikki’s saucer?”
“We figured you would want that in everything. The last set went in last night.”
“Is there any way to get more range out of the sensors?”
“If you jump the power, you’re detectable farther away than you can see.”
“Not good. Sounds like everything is well in hand then. Pick the solidest of our spare saucers, make sure it has every improvement we know how to do, and stock it with as many supplies as it can hold. The lady from Mojave is going looking for marooned people, and she may be gone a long time.”
“Got it, Boss. How soon do you need it?”
“As quick as you can. What do we need to do about supplies?”
“There’s not much in the salvage, and most of it is near its expiration date. I think we need to use Earth food, Boss.”
“I’ll get you in touch with her, and you can see what her preferences are. Don’t want to stick her with a shipload of stuff she can’t stand. Hang on one, I’ll put you on with her.”
I walked back in the kitchen. “Phonelia, could I have a moment of your time?”
“Sure, Bob, what do you need?”
“I’ve got my foreman on the comm. He needs to know what kinds of food you’d like him to stock your saucer with, so he can get an order in.”
“You do get things done, don’t you, Bob?”
“We try Ma’am.”
They talked for a little bit. Phonelia said, “What are MRE’s?”
John spoke up. “Meals Rejected by Ethiopians? You don’t want those. Mountain House makes a much better product, and you’re not stuck with someone else’s idea of a meal.”
She went back to her conversation. When she finished, she handed it to me. “He says he needs to ask you about something.”
“Yes, Topper?”
“Boss, I can source enough Mountain House, but the only way to get them here in time is for somebody to pick them up at their home office in Oregon.”
“How much weight and bulk are we talking about? Do I need the flatbed, or will the Sonoma carry it?”
“We’re planning on stacking that saucer like a submarine going on patrol, Boss. Better take the flatbed.”
“How late are they open?”
“You get two hours for the time zone, so you have about six hours yet today.”
“Text me the details, I’ll be by and get the flatbed before long.”
I turned to Max. “You busy this afternoon, Max?”
“Guess I am now. What’s up?”
“I need a ride to Oregon. Mind flying the freighter?”
“Not at all. Give me a chance to test the new search algorithm I worked out.”
Nikki spoke up. “You running off, Caveman?”
“Just flunkying for Topper. Want to come along?”
“Sure, why not?”
Phonelia spoke up. “If Topper is your foreman, why do you have to go after the food?”
“Because Topper is a robot, and our planet doesn’t have autonomous robots yet. We’re trying to keep from arousing too much attention, you see.”
“You mean your operation here is a secret? Where are your security guards?”
I pointed at Dingus. “He’s head of security, but everybody here is a crack shot, and suspicious besides.”
“I’m not sure how that works, Bob.”
“If we act like we have something to hide, people will wonder what it is, and try to find out. If we’re just a few hillbillies who came into some cash, the worst they’ll do is try to scam us out of some of it. We Earthlings have a name for it. We call it ‘security through obscurity’.”
“That works?”
“So far, so good.”
Dingus spoke up. “It’s a lot to take in, coming from a Galactic mindset, but these boys make it work. Bob, would you mind if I rode along? I’d like to see Reggie’s new algorithm at work.”
Phonelia asked, “Reggie?”
Max spoke up. “My full name is Regimax. When I was young, Dad called me Reggie. When I met Bob and John, they called me Max. When we woke Dad up, he started calling me Reggie again. I suppose it would be confusing, at first, but I like the idea that people like me enough to give me nicknames.”
“I thought a new language would be the hardest thing to learn. Your customs take some getting used to.”
“Why don’t you take the language and culture pack on the teaching machine. It’ll get you right up to speed.”
“I’ve been putting that off. Those things give me a terrible headache.”
“Oh, we fixed that. John, light her up.”
John said, “Right this way, Ma’am.”
“But the scientists have been over every part of the brainwave interface. It’s not possible to prevent the headache.”
I replied, “That’s because it’s not the function of the machine that causes the headache. It’s the ultrasonic noise the thing puts out. Couple drops of mounting putty, and no more headache.”
“If that’s right, someone should reward you handsomely.”
“The Guide already did. A honking wad of cash. The sincerest form of flattery.”
“I woke up in a strange place, that’s for sure.”
John’s phone rang. He went back into his office to answer it. When he came out, he said, “You’ll be back by dark, won’t you?”
“Don’t see any reason we wouldn’t be, why?”
“Steve set a meet for us tonight, if you can get their part out of the printer in time.”
“Topper is on the case. I have faith.”
He turned to Nikki. “Can we take your truck tonight? I’d like to have room to carry some backup, in case things go sideways.”
“No problem, John.”
I spoke up. “We better get going, then.”
The four of us loaded up in the freighter, and flew to Dee’s place. I drove the flatbed into the cargo bay and secured it. We left the freighter idling, while we went in for a quick tour. Jim and the boys had done their usual marvelous job. Taz came up to us. “Is Mr. Jim going to be okay?”
“He’s going to be better than okay, Taz. The autodoc is going to fix a few other things while he’s inside.”
“What about Molly?”
“She’s fine too. She’s getting a few things fixed, as well.”
“I’m sorry I let her sneak in.”
“I should have looked before I closed it. We were all worried about Jim. Everything is going to come out fine, so don’t worry, okay, Taz.”
“Thanks, Boss.”
After satisfying ourselves yet again that, yes, indeed, the boys do wonderful work, we climbed aboard and headed out. Since Dingus and Max were busy in the cockpit, Nikki and I took the opportunity to catch up on our tongue wrestling. “I missed you, Caveman.”
“I missed you more, Space Cadet.”
“We’re still in Missouri, you’re gonna have to show me.”
So I did.
Before either one of us wanted to come up for air, Dingus shouted, “Come look what Reggie found!”.
When we got to the cockpit, Dingus said, “Look at this. It’s about the same age as my saucer, but it’s buried under fifty feet of dirt. It’s a wonder we can get any reading at all. I wonder how it got down there?”
I replied, “Somebody hid it on the bottom of the river. Then the river changed course.”
Dingus asked, “How do you know that, Bob?”
“They’ve got a mus
eum in Kansas City. A steamboat sunk, then the river moved. They dug it out of some guy’s cornfield. Bet the same thing happened here. How we get it out, I don’t know.”
Dingus said, “I’ll get with the boys, see what we can figure out.”
Max let down outside of town so Nikki and I could unload the truck. He shut the ramp, and he and Dingus were off to see if they could find any more derelicts. We stopped at a truck stop to pick up some tie downs and a big tarp to cover our load with. We got to the plant, Topper had taken care of paying for our load, so we just had to back up to their dock and they ran the pallets on for us. I pulled up out of the way and we strapped it all down, and then fastened the tarp over it. When it looked like it would hold all the way back to Missouri, we pulled out. Nikki got on the comm, and asked her Dad to meet us back where he let us off. Turns out there were people there now, so we had to keep heading east till we found a quiet spot. The temptation was too big, even if I would pay for it later. “Eastbound and down, loaded up and truckin’, we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done. We’ve got a long way to go, and a short time to get there. I’m eastbound just watchin’ Bandit run.”
Nikki said into the comm, “Hurry up and find a place, Dad. Next thing you know he’ll take his hat off, and we’ll be here all evening.”
Max replied, “TMI, TMI, WTFTMI.”
But he did find a spot for us to load up. At least he thought he did. I winked at the kid hiding in the bushes watching us load up. Even if he did get someone to believe him, we’d be long gone. Once I got the truck secured, I went up to the cockpit with everybody else. I asked, “Max, I thought you were a wizard with the scanner?”
“Uh-oh, what did I miss, Bob?”
“Kid about ten or twelve, hid out in the bushes. I winked at him, but he might try and tell on us.”
Dingus asked, “Why didn’t you say something, Bob?”
“He’d already seen everything he was going to by the time I saw him. Making a fuss wasn’t going to help anything.”
Nikki said, “Could he identify our truck?”
“If he thought to get the license number, and someone believes him, we could have a problem. Chances of all that happening aren’t good, but they’re better than I’d like.”
“Anything we could do, Caveman?”
“I don’t know. Maybe John would have an idea.”
I commed John. “Hi John.”
“Oh crap! That’s your ‘I screwed up, help me please’, voice.”
“A kid saw us loading the truck back on the freighter. Any ideas?”
“Trying to hush him up would be counterproductive.”
“That’s why I didn’t raise a fuss when I saw him.”
“So far, so good. You think we should start a rumor that a new movie about aliens and humans working together is filming in Oregon? Give the kid a plausible way to explain what he saw?”
“You can get it done so it doesn’t come back on us?”
“Let’s see, it’s a day that ends in Y, so yeah, I can get that done. One call, and Bob’s your asshole.”
“Uncle, dangit, uncle. The saying is ‘Bob’s your uncle’.”
“Only if you’re talking to Greg.”
“And now for something completely different. You know any mining engineers?”
“Not off the top of my head, no. Bob has an idea. Run, run and hide!”
“It was Max’s new algorithm. He found a derelict under fifty feet of dirt.”
“Okay, how did that happen?”
“Judging from where it is, I’d say the Missouri changed course after somebody hid out on the bottom.”
“Just like the Arabia?”
“That’s what I’m thinking.”
“How do you figure to get it out? Chances are it’s in the middle of a cornfield.”
“Only way I see to keep it quiet is to buy a piece of property as close as we can get, and tunnel sideways.”
“Big long tunnel, so you need a mining engineer, to make sure the thing doesn’t collapse on us.”
“Ding, ding, ding! Right on the first guess.”
“I can’t even think of anybody to ask.”
“Maybe Jim can help, when he wakes up.”
“There’s a thought.”
“Max says we need to unload. See you in a few minutes.”
”Bye.”
I drove the flatbed into the shop, and got back aboard. I commed Topper. “Hey Topper, I put the supplies in the shop. They’re still on the truck, I didn’t know where you would want them. “
“Thanks, Boss. Wish our camo was good enough to take care of running for things.”
“Me too, but I don’t think we should risk it.”
“Anything we can do for you, Boss?”
“How much do you know about tunneling?”
“We haven’t done that before, Boss. We could look it up, but it would be better if you could find someone to tell us how, like Mr. Jim.”
“I’ll see who I can find. Don’t worry about putting on a show for Nikki. I don’t think we’ll be here. We’ve got to fly out again. Talk to you later.”
“Bye, Boss.”
By the time I got done talking, we were already parked at John’s.
I found John. “You mind getting Mr. Watley started finding out how close we can get to that buried saucer? Max can give you the GPS coordinates.”
“It’s gonna be kinda tricky asking him to look for the closest place without giving the game away, don’t you think?”
“That’s why I asked you. You’re sneakier than me.”
“Do you really think I’m that easy, Bob?”
“Of course not. But I didn’t think buttering you up would hurt.”
“So what are you doing?”
“I’m thinking more info about these guys we’re meeting would be a good idea. Figured I would comm Tina and see if they even have a permit to be here.”
“Worth a shot, anyway. Talk to you later, then.”
John pulled out his phone. I got out my comm. “Is my dry cleaning ready so soon?”
“You can’t talk?”
“That’s correct. I’ll be by after my shift to pick it up.
“I need to know who has permits to be on Earth. We’ve been made aware of someone trying to get replacement saucer parts made by locals. I have to wonder if they’re here without a permit.”
“Yes, that is a good sale, I’ll find the coupon and send it to you as soon as I have a chance.”
“Thanks. Sorry to bother you.”
“No problem. See you soon.”
“Looking forward to Sunday. Bye.”
Nikki came out of the kitchen. “Phonelia would like to see some Earth culture. Do you suppose we could go out to eat?”
“I don’t know what time our meeting is. When John gets off the phone, I’ll ask.”
“Ask John what?”, he said.
“Oh good. Nikki wants to know if we have time to run to Julie’s for supper?”
“The meeting isn’t till eight, so if we get going, we’ll be back in plenty of time.”
John, Max, and Dingus piled in John’s Wagoneer. Phonelia and Lyla rode with Nikki and me. Lyla asked, “Bob, do you need me to ride along tonight and record?”
“Nikki and Dingus have badges, that should be enough, I think.”
“I think I’ll stay and hang out with Joanna, then.”
“Long as you’ve got a ride back, I’m fine with it.”
Phonelia asked, “Would I be in the way if I stayed as well?”
Lyla said, “I don’t think so.”
When we got to Julie’s, Janice was working. She started at me, with rage in her eyes. Julie caught her, and handed her off to Joanna. Julie said, “Sorry about that, Bob.”
“I understand. She sees me as the cause of Sam getting picked up on his warrants from out of state. I wish I could help, but I don’t see any way that won’t make it worse.”
“Give her time, she’ll come around.”
> “Hope you’re right. I don’t like making enemies.”
“You did her a favor, Bob. Sooner or later, she’ll figure that out.”
After we found a table, Phonelia asked, “Why was that woman upset with you, Bob?”
“Her husband got caught trying to kill me. He already had warrants out for his arrest in a couple of other states, so he’s probably going to prison for a long time,”
Lyla spoke up. “You’re mistaken, Bob. They weren’t married. What’s that Earth phrase? Oh yeah, they were ’shacking up’.”
“Really? I thought they were married.”
“Janice wears a ring, but they never made it official.”
John looked like he was in pain. I said, “Spill it, John. Nobody here but us chickens.”
“All their money is in a joint account. He even had her put his name on the deed to her house.”
“So he can use it all for lawyers?”
“Right now, he could use it on booze and strippers, if he gets out on bail.”
“I wouldn’t want to see that happen, but it’s not our business, is it?”
Nikki asked, “You mean he could spend all Janice’s money, and there’s nothing she could do about it?”
John replied, “Very little.”
I said, “Janice doesn’t want our help. Sticking our noses in will just make things worse. We’ve screwed things up enough, even if we did think we were doing the right thing.”
Nikki replied, “Caveman, we can’t just walk away from this, can we?”
“I’m more than willing to help, if someone can come up with a plan that doesn’t make things worse. All we have so far is ‘I think we ought to help’. That’s not a plan.”
“I see what you mean, Caveman. We need to be careful not to mess things up worse.”
“Exactly. I’ve done enough running in without all the facts lately. I’d like to know what I’m doing, at least this once. There are kids involved, I don’t want to mess with their world any more than we have to.”
John spoke up. “We’ll all think on it. If we think of something, we can talk again.”
My comm rang. “Bob Wilson, how can I make your world better today?”
“Bob, it’s Tina. I looked into those travel permits you asked about. The only people permitted to be in North America right now are Nikki’s grad students. Whoever you’re talking to is there illegally.”